ultraviolet

DISCLAIMER- To my younger friends still in school, class is important! Don’t ever ditch! But if you must, might as well make a story out of it…

There’s few things I enjoy more than a spontaneous food adventure. 

Early Wednesday afternoon, I’m sitting at Tea Station in Cerritos trying to study Mandarin (hanging out in a Chinese restaurant is decent feng-shui, I guess?) when I get the call from a friend. Apparently a few of my SB loves came down to OC for a quick errand, and invited me out for Korean BBQ. Just seeing these kids for even a few hours (even though I saw them only a few days ago in SB) makes my day, I know these moments will be harder to come by in the future.

When I first met this friend, one of our first memories together was this ridiculous road trip down to Los Angeles for KBBQ cravings. Barely out past Ventura, I got pulled over for going 81 and received my first (and hopefully last!) speeding ticket. Getting back on the road, I joked that it’d be the most expensive meal of my life, so we’d better get our money’s worth! After stuffing our bellies with beef and boba, we got back to SB around 3 am. T’was definitely one of the better college stories of my life.

See, the cool thing about food adventures isn’t so much the actual “food” or “adventure” itself. Doing such things alone isn’t nearly as fun. The long car ride gave me a chance to talk to my new friends, and it was a great bonding experience. Normally one can’t put a price on friendship, but that day the entry cost of this particular friendship was the price of a speeding ticket and a Korean BBQ dinner. Well worth it, so far.

For the fun of partying, video games, sports, and everything else…the only thing we really need is each other. You and me, ears listening, heart speaking. I always value the friends where we can chat endlessly about life, the food just provides the fuel, the destination is merely a reason to drive. Honestly, I got in my car today not knowing where I’d end up, my intuition just took me to Cerritos.

Leaving for graduate school in less than a month, and I know these days are numbered. It’s a long drive from Monterey, even just for Korean BBQ. Yet I’ll hang onto these people as long as I can, they are my base. My constants. My friends. 

I don’t think I am as politically active as I could be.

I read an insatiable amount of news, books, and op’eds on a regular basis, but I’m slightly restrained about publicizing my ideas. The only time I really let loose is when I engage in conversation with people and friends, as I prefer a dialogue of learning rather than me just  shouting VOTE this way, BELIEVE that idea, etc etc.

But there’s a lot of things going on in the world that troubles me, and in this election year I’m gonna dedicate my voice to expressing my doubts about the way things are going in America (and also, the world).

Our school systems are underfunded, our Congress is often gridlocked with indecisiveness, Wall Street has fought off effective reform, a prolonged war has ruined our credibility in the Middle East. Unemployment and debt still plague Americans still struggling to recover from the 2009 recession. Xenophobia, racism, and sexism still run rampant in our country, as it does elsewhere in the world. The global governance project faces its latest challenge, as the European Union stands on the brink. Climate change, food security, and energy sources remain as important than ever as the planet has reached 7 billion people.

(There’s never good news, it’s just a never-ending cascade of infinite problems)

The big questions still keep me restless. How do we make capitalism more sustainable and equitable, to harness globalization for a different world? How do we rebuild a broken political culture that is no longer responsive to the concerns of the middle-class? In our technologically-driven society where 24/7 headlines dominate the agenda, it is easy to miss the big picture of the invisible trends that drive our economy and politics.

So here goes, my voice is ready. I’ve got some big ideas, and I’m not gonna sit by this election year. I’ve got some thoughts on how best to start publicizing my thoughts, but for now you could follow my Twitter at @timothy_v_phan. I’ve started posting links to interesting reads from my daily routine, with a quick summary of what-you-need-to-know. For all the narcissistic and awkward trends of social media, it can still be a powerful way to spread ideas (both good and bad).  

I’m also thinking of starting a separate website for my more political writings, and just use Tumblr for more abstract/creative/personal thoughts. Any feedback from my friends will be welcome, because you’re exactly the person I want to reach. 

There’s a scene from the X-Men 3: the Last Stand, when Magneto’s henchmen dangle Warren Worthington (CEO of the pharmaceutical company that developed a controversial cure for mutation) on the rooftop, preparing to kill him. He pleaded, I was only trying to help you people. The mutant replied, does it look like we need your help?

Perhaps it’s possible to see it both ways. The well-intentioned Western industrialist with a magic cure for the “other’s” disease, the mutant’s anger at being dictated on what to do, to have a more powerful force intervene into one’s life without permission. Luckily, Worthington was caught by his son Angel, an interesting mutant with severe identity issues.

Born with wings, he struggled to maintain a human identity. He initially volunteered for his father’s cure, but fled at the needle’s touch during a moment of clarity. While he eventually embraced his mutant identity, he did not necessarily abandon his humanity. Showing up at the battle’s climax to rescue his father was a fitting deus ex machina when there was little hope for Worthington. Angel did not fight the mutants, he did not fight the human soldiers. He was just there to help. 

All ends wells in the comic book-cinematic universe, but not quite so in ours.

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The NBA is a professional organization and business intended to market and sell the sport of basketball; it is not necessarily the sport itself. Sometimes we forget that us consumers are sold this image of Air Jordan as the epitome of athletic achievement, the brand name is more important than the actual sport itself.

I am an avowed fan of the NBA, I watch their games and I cheer on my teams. I’ve cheered the Lakers since my dad showed me that horrible Kazaam movie with Shaq over a decade ago. I remember Kobe’s fro, Nick Van Exel’s high socks, the “Smush Parker” era, and those awful cowbells up north. 

But I often forget, I first am a fan of basketball. A sport played in empty gyms in early mornings, 5v5 pickup games at the local schoolyard. There are no logos or uniforms to identity teams. There is just me and you, and the tall dude with hops but no jumper, the fast kid who looks to pass first, the gifted scorer who plays lazy defense. I will forget your names tomorrow, but I’ll remember you better if you can play ball. If we held the court again and again, I’ll associate your name with 3pt stroke or good defender or terrible jumper (I should stop passing him the ball hmmm).

(Or HER. Never make that mistake that a girl can’t ball. She can, and she’s hungry to prove it) 

And so, as I swallow the hype that the NBA tries to shove down my throat, I have to remember that I care more about basketball than rings and wins, of buzzer-beaters and Youtube highlights. I still prefer teamwork and effort, of quiet leadership and inspired sportsmanship. I am desolate that not many people appreciate Tim Duncan and Steve Nash as much as they idolize Kobe Bryant.

As a Lakers fan, I’ll cheer on Kobe’s next attempt to win the West and tie Jordan’s 6 rings. I’ll cheer for Gasol to redeem himself in the playoffs, I’m eager to see the bench mob step up. I’ll mourn D-Fish’s departure and hope that the loss of his leadership won’t bite too much. I’ll try and excuse Metta World Peace’s recent lapses into Artest mode as a bad day, even I bite my tongue at Laker fans who cheer as James Harden lies hurt on the ground.

But as a basketball fan, I sincerely hope the San Antonio Spurs win it all this year. For Tim Duncan to retire as the winningest player of his generation, for the most consistent team of the decade to bring a trophy home in an age of stars. For Coach Pop, who’ve built a small-market dynasty (without real money) on the misunderstood value of knowing one’s role within the confines of a team. For Danny Green, the 46th pick in the draft who had so much to prove in a team full of veterans, yet is performing the role of the penultimate Spurs role player who plays defense and makes the unselfish play. And for Manu Ginobili’s baldness, which deflects attention from his beautiful game that we’ll never see from an American.

And furthermore as a basketball fan, there is no room for the brutality of Artest’s senseless hit on James Harden in our beautiful sport. The cost of partisan support of our teams which excuses such violence help perpetuate an “us-versus-them” mentality we often see in all aspects of life, such as Israeli vs Palestinians, Christians vs Muslims vs other, black vs white. Partisanship and unwavering devotion to logos, ideals, nations are usually the first steps to division and dehumanization.   

So please, don’t mistake the NBA for basketball. Don’t mistake the “headlines” as news, entire worlds exist outside the newspaper where the camera doesn’t point at. Don’t mistake the follies of our “politicians” for politics, there is power and rules and resistance in all phases of life. Reality is more than just the surface image, it lies beneath that first level of perception. 

We are sold an image of something, but we have to remember the important values. I sincerely hope more of us can cheer for the values of Tim Duncan, the unassuming and humble superstar who performs teamwork and unselfishness, in all aspects of our lives. 

When I told you I was going to write you a letter of advice on how to adjust to a college graduate’s life, I initially thought I’d write a laundry list of inspirational thoughts about chasing your dreams, working hard, yadda yadda.

And then I realized that is too redundant and played-out, as you’re going to hear that a million times over the next few months anyways. I often espouse cliched sayings of staying young at heart, to live the adventure you believe your life to be. While I do truly do believe these things, such sundry optimisms can obscure the very tough reality of life. A bleaker side of life can be covered up by the freedoms of a beautiful college town, where our worries end when happy hour starts.

So I say to you, with caution and love.

Be prepared to be rejected. Be ready to be told you’re not experienced enough. Life may beat you senseless into submission, and you’ll beg for the easy out. Perhaps you’ll grow accustomed to the comforts of home, and your ambitions for brighter lights will fade as your goals shatter at first blood. Money will become the primary determinant of whether you chase your dream, rather than your dream itself. You will feel lonely, cut off from the once-daily interactions of a college network. You’ll see your friends pass you by on the road of life, and wonder what’s taking you so long. 

Despite all such things, you have cause to be hopeful.

You have much to offer the world, and possess unseen advantages you may have not realized. A degree is a prestigious thing in itself, because you learned how to study (which also means, you’ve learned to do work that you hated. Success in life really depends on how often you get through work you detest). All the jobs, community service, internships and extracurricular activities have taught you about responsibility and time management. All the friendships you’ve cultivated have taught you how to smile at strangers, and develop meaningful relationships with people who can help you (and vice-versa). In your darkest days, never forget you are never alone as long you have the support of friends and family who love you. 

If you feel you do not possess such resume-worthy abilities, never forget the value of college extension/community classes/libraries. You’re never too old to stop learning, for a degree shows that you have developed the capacity to learn new things. When you figure out what your desired field is, nothing’s keeping you from taking classes in social media/non-fiction writing/HTML (or whatever it is that will get you ahead in that field). You also have the wonderful luxury of the Internet, which is a democracy of free knowledge in that any person willing to learn can do so. Trade Tumblr for TED. Find out what the leaders of your professions are reading, and read what they read. Freed from the tyranny of syllabuses and midterms, you must determine yourself what it is you must learn in order to succeed. 

All your endeavors in this new world must be pursued with a sense of confidence in your own abilities. You have a lot to offer, and you need to learn how to highlight the best of you. Go forth with confidence, passion, and ambition and I promise someone (a graduate school, an employer, or a mentor) will take a chance on you.  

For every J-Lin who made it to the big stage, there’s thousands waiting on the bench. We wait for our number to be called, we wait for that lucky break. When that door opens, we can only hope that the long roads behind us have prepared us for our moment. 

Lastly, I must remind you. You’ll never be happy with how people perceive you, if you are not happy with yourself. College may be over soon, but you have an entire lifetime ahead to continue to grow and learn about yourself. Be at peace with who you are, and who you want to be. Only then, will you be able to steer your life with a steady hand. One hand on the wheel, one eye on the horizon. 

It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means…

He waits in the depths of the wilderness, surrounded by his brainwashed followers who will defend him to the death. This is not a man who will be arrested; he will not allow himself to be judged by his fellow man. Law and morality are jokes to such a monster, for we will perceive him to be simply evil and therefore unknowable. To allow him to persist in the jungle will be an indictment upon our own humanity and civilization.

But they didn’t send Willard or Marlow to capture Kurtz for the sake of the natives. In both Conrad’s work and Francis Ford Coppola’s “Apocalypse Now”, the protagonist’s superiors saw the rogue Kurtz as an embarrassment to their mission. The mere existence of Kurtz in the jungle threatened the entire legitimacy of the white man’s mission, whether it was European imperialism or American interventionism. The natives remained invisible to the narrative, muted voices against the smell of napalm in the morning. It’s not about saving the natives, it’s about saving our conscience.

So into the heart of darkness, we will bring the full force of civilization upon Joseph Kony. But I confess do not know true horror, living here in a cookie-cutter suburbia. All I know is from the transmitted self-selective images of the Internets; I merely choose an appropriate severity of violence that will not disturb my dreams. Do you really want to see an image of a dead child lying in an activist arms, bloodstained and riddled with bullets? You can see the missing chunks of skin where the war took its last cost. The pleading words of her final friend may not be your language, but such images remain universal.

And what is horror, what is violence? We are shocked by easy-to-comprehend images of killing and genocide, of firebombs and tear gas. Casualties of war become empowered through the collective body counts, the full measure of our lives are just reduced to sheer numbers . The more blood on the news, the more newsworthy the violence.

What if horror is more than just death? What if true horror is a social condition, the toll of systematic processes which perpetuate everyday oppression and injustice? The “invisible” children have always been visible, just to the cross-hairs of warlords. It’s just that we haven’t been paying attention, and now we’re ashamed we permit such horror to exist. Invisible Children’s success at promoting awareness the Kony issue carries an underlying premise; only those who are “seen” by the West can be saved. Good luck to the Syrian children, but we only speak English. 

Detective Somerset is right, because people don’t want a hero. They want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto, and watch television. Empathy in the Twitter era has become a damned lie; while globalization allows us to be everywhere at once, it also means we exist outside the conventional lines of time and space who once marked the boundaries of community. The first steps of empathy is always local, it always starts within us.

Ask, are we helping ourselves, or we helping them?

 

Awareness of the issue is only the first step. The next step, if people truly profess to care, is to research the issue and learn the different perspectives in which it can be solved. I am proud so many people who normally refrain from such issues are becoming educated in even the small ways. I am happy that every single critique of Invisible Children validates the education of everyone in the liberal arts/humanities, and ultimately improves the development discourse.  And I leave it to Chris Blattman of Yale University who wrote,  ”For all its weaknesses, IC has been more effective than any of us at raising awareness, and they may get us closer to the least worst action that we can take… the average high school activist, donor and Congressman might just understand a little better what separates advocacy from badvocacy, and demand better in the future. And that makes me hopeful.”

If even one person becomes inspired to pursue conflict resolution, international development, or human rights law as a serious career because of the Kony 2012 video, it will have succeeded. I myself started that journey when a rich Western white male celebrity of privilege made the same pleas about Africa when I was an impressionable young idealist. I wish that everyone who is going in the same direction can be simply critical, yet constructive.

It was initially trendy to promote IC, then slightly hipster-ish to tease it, but it’s a challenge to be constructive about it.  For those who plan on that long journey upriver, here are further links.

A human rights approach Uganda, links from political science/international relations, a critique of slacktivism, and a snarky drinking game.

Harold: I want that. 
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog? 
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling! 
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you’re saying? 
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle. 
Kumar: YES! YES! I knew you had it in you dude! 

The key to understanding my spontaneity is a particular scene from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. The whole movie actually explains much of my college adventuring; John Cho and Kal Penn taught me to chase my cravings late into the AM, no matter the cost.

(especially if it’s food-related..which begins many tales of Korean BBQ adventures)

It is 2am. I am watching reruns of the Office before bedtime, and it’s Michael Scott’s birthday. Toby comes into the kitchen, where Michael refuses him DOUGHNUTS because Toby didn’t know it was his birthday. My sympathies for Toby grow tenfold when I realize, hell…I want a doughnut. 

In that never-ending titanic struggle between food and sleep, food usually wins out. But it’s 2am and all the doughnut stores are closed (I even made phone calls to local stores to check). And I’m not driving to Anaheim for that ridiculous blueberry madness everyone raves about. Instant gratification or nothing.

Fitfully dozed off to Inception playing in the background. Faint flashes of of Krispy Kreme. Blueberry doughnuts. My friend Hondo was there, apparently I was driving him to Santa Barbara for graduation? I drive off a pier, the car is sinking. I cannot open the doors, I can’t break the windows. If this is drowning, if this is death…I wanted that doughnut. Seriously, I don’t suggest watching Inception before bedtime, it screws with your subconscious.

Woke up hungry, but with a mission in hand.

And now I’m sitting in a Krispy Kreme, chomping on doughnuts, sipping my coffee while it’s raining outside, listening to obscure Beach Boys and assorted oldies that they’re playing on the radio. I’m telling you this story, to remind myself and anyone else reading this about Harold’s lesson. Chase those little things, satisfy your cravings. It’s the little things.

The best damn feeling in the world, to get what you desire. Nom nom nom

Ran into a Toys R’ Us this afternoon, hunting for a gift for newborn baby Emma. Every toddler needs something to snuggle with, no? Pausing by the FAO Schwartz aisle, I realized my task was a bit more difficult than I imagined. This stuffed animal is going to be her first friend!

It’s like the opposite of a Horcux. While Lord Voldemort splits his soul with evil acts to divide into small parts, I benevolently divulge my love for my newest cousin into a toy. In this sense, I will be immortal muahahaha.

But how to choose the animal? Here was my choices.

Monkey-
PROS: Reminds me of Curious George, my childhood companion who taught me how to adventure. Cute arms, snuggly.
CONS: I rather avoid the entire evolution thing when she’s old enough to ask. Plus, Planet of the Apes and that evil monkey from Family Guy might scare her…

Lion-
PROS: Dominant alpha male of the stuffed animal kingdom! Once she watches the Lion King, she can name him Mufasa. Lions represent strength, courage, and Gryffindor.
CONS- I’d feel uncomfortable teaching her about the food chain, which will lead into a quasi-existential discussion about the meaning of life and death. Couldn’t I pick a more…vegetarian animal that doesn’t hunt? (My Buddhist upbringing, yupp)

Elephant-
PROS: Elephants are smart? Has PHAN in his name. Reminds me of Babur the Elephant, the French cartoon which brought civilization to his village.
CONS: Elephant= Oliphaunts, and they can easily be defeated by Elves (especially that pointy-eared fellow from the Woodland Realm). When our newest member of the Phan Clan is old enough to be invited into the Fellowship, she must remain skeptical of the enemy. Plus, Babar is a justification for 1960’s colonialism. I don’t want my baby cousin exposed to archetypes of imperialism! 

Bear-
PROS: The safe pick, every kid needs a teddy bear. High snug factor, has arms so it can dance, and who can hate on the Bernstein Bears? 
CONS: The two available bears was wearing a sports tee-shirt, and a skirt. My liberal arts education has reinforced a suspicion of rigid gender roles (identity is socially constructed, Foucault blah blah blah), I’d rather go for something more neutral. No need to socialize that stuff…hmm?

Pig- 
PROS: Bacon comes from pigs. 
CONS: Mmmmmh, bacon. There are no cons…

Welcome to planet Earth baby Emma!
Your parents love ya, and you’re gonna have crazy cousins around to corrupt you. I hope my little Horcux/pig/guardian angel takes good care of you! 

Sports allow the fan to project our personal metaphors onto the actors on stage, we identify with the players as if they represent our own identities. That’s why Nike goes out of their way to personify these superstar athletes as a knowable entity, for it comforts us to know that Michael Jordan wears the same underwear as us mere mortals. We proudly wear Kobe’s shoes as if they will give us a psychological boost at the rec center, and even the off-court antics of Blake Griffin market him as this extremely fun and likable guy that you’d love to chill with.

However, the facade works the other way too. Kobe and Jordan are marketed as transcendental legends who defy expectation, we can never truly know Jordan or Kobe. Who is the real Jordan, the mystical skywalker who won our hearts on primetime television? Or the compulsive gambler who preferred the nightlife to a loving family? No matter how high Kobe climbs, the ghosts of that Denver courtroom will never truly leave him. Every record he breaks is a step closer to Jordan, to perfection, to being the best there ever was.

But I personally value something other than perfection, as I wish more observers of sports could peek behind the flash of the NBA to truly witness the substantive. It saddens me to see so many people blindly cheer Blake Griffin, as his highlight reel doesn’t necessarily vindicate his petulant nature. Flash won’t make up for a lackadaisical attitude towards defense or developing real skill moves to complement his athleticism. Moreover, Blake Griffin’s name is announced last during player introductions, because he is the flashy star who has played his entire (yet short) career with the Clippers. People stand up and cheer for a Griffin highlight in a ways they could never do with the true leader of the Clippers.

While personally devastating to see Chris Paul denied his chance in a Lakers uniform, it was of some small comfort to know he’d still be in Los Angeles. Seeing CP3 in person was a bucket list item that I got to cross off on Wednesday night, when the Clippers hosted the Denver Nuggets.

And which brings me to Chris Paul. Chris Paul is an oxymoron and paradox, for he is one of the most underrated superstars in sports. To be a premier All-NBA talent, yet be overshadowed by his own teammate whose greatest skill is dunking. He lacks the viral-friendly playfulness of Steve Nash or the sheer athleticism of Derrick Rose, but all statistical and qualitative measures should vindicate him as the best point guard in the league. 

“True” point guards are a rarity in the NBA. The prototypical point guard is the traffic cop of the offense, he is the first line of defense. The true point guard looks to get all his teammates involved by making the right play, not necessarily looking to score first. However, he must be quick and capable of creating his own shot off the dribble, to suck defenders into the lane. He must be a reliable shooter to keep defenders honest, a poor jump shot will invite defenders to back away. You can always tell the difference from a point guard and anyone else who’s simply good at scoring, a point guard keeps his head up at all times to scan for cutters and open shooters. While that guy at the rec center has already made his mind on shooting, regardless of whatever’s in front of him.

By this measure, Chris Paul exceeds at every level. 

…Except winning.

It’s frustrating for a competitive player of his talents, to watch his contemporaries succeed as he remained stuck in a small-market team without a decent supporting cast. He gave New Orleans everything he could, but they could never have competed in the long term against the might and money of the Lakers, the Mavericks, even the cost-efficient Spurs. Watching LeBron, Carmelo, and Deron Williams leave their teams for better markets surely influenced his decision to leave for Los Angeles. No one, even in New Orleans, could have begrudged Paul’s opportunity to play alongside a rising star like Griffin in a city like LA. The Clippers became an instant contender with a leader like Paul, and they’re looking rather good at the All-Star Break.

What do I see in Chris Paul,  what do I identify with?

I’ve always been the point guard. I am a point guard. I don’t mean the style of basketball that I try to play, but the metaphorical sense of person. If sports is a metaphor, and basketball is the game of life, my ideal position is the point guard. I don’t need any individual glory, for my success is judged by the overall character of my teammates. I want to push friends and strangers alike into the right direction, I want to assist them in reaching their dreams and goals. I want to be the caretaker, the dad, the designated driver who looks after my friends. And when there’s a fast-break going other way, I’m willing to throw my body in front of the train because I am gladly the first guy back on defense, I will protect you at all costs. If we win, I win. 

This is why I love to talk and mentor younger friends, this is even why I want to work in development. The goal is to push people into the right direction, whether it’s encouraging a friend studying for a test or building progressive societies towards prosperity and equality. There is a point guard mentality in my head and my heart. Compassion, humility, and a commitment to the common good are prerequisites for the ideal point guard. I believe Chris Paul exemplifies the best of these traits. He is perhaps the only player in the league who can easily score 20-30 points a game, and not be called a ball-hog (…eyebrow towards Kobe…). To watch him dominate the Nuggets for 36 points and 9 assists on Wednesday night was immensely satisfying, and I left the building extremely pleased to have cross off another item on my bucket list. I wish him and the Clippers well, because I hope he gets his ring one day. 

And I? I know that someday too I will win (If the team wins, of course).

“It’s very rare to meet people who are passionate about anything, and I can tell you the older you get the more life will beat the passion out of you if you let it. The more you will rationalize that your life should be about safety and security, that it should be about comfort and predictability, and the more you will lose the passion and wonder of what it means to be human”

-Let’s not get comfortable. Let’s keep exploring.

I have no idea who wrote this; it is an anonymous quote from the guestbook here at the Night Owl (located in downtown Fullerton, they close in the late AM…so it’s kind of my insomnia spot now). Perhaps it is my future doppelganger, reminding me to stay young.